Steamed Hams, but it's a My Hero Academia Fanfic
by 12AngryMen
Summary: After their fight at the Sports Festival, Izuku decides to invite his new friend Todoroki over for lunch! But after a mishap with his oven occurs, what lengths will he go to hide the truth about his cooking? A stupid joke of an idea taken way too far.


So, uh… Yeah. This basically started as a joke among some friends that was never supposed to ever actually be made real. Then one of them said "you can't actually write this" which I naturally took as a challenge. So without further ado… Enjoy this shitpost.

* * *

Izuku Midoriya checked his phone for the 5th time in the last 2 minutes as he anxiously waited for his guest's arrival.

"He should have been here by now…" He muttered as he stood in the entry hall of his family's apartment. It was Sunday afternoon, and he had invited his new friend Shoto Todoroki over for lunch. At least, Izuku thought they were friends… Maybe he had been blown off.

However, just as he began to have doubts about his new friendship, the sound of a doorbell rang out. Smiling, the green-haired boy quickly made his way over to his front door.

He was nervous, of course; spending time with friends was, sad to say, a fairly alien concept for Izuku. He wanted to make sure this went well. Todoroki was somewhat intimidating, but ever since their grand battle at the U.A. Sports Festival last week, the two had begun to get along.

Seeing his classmate was in fact the one at the door, Izuku opened it up to let him in.

"Well Midoriya, I made it… Despite your directions." There was slight annoyance in the prestigious student's voice. It sounded like he had gotten a bit lost… Well, that explained why he was late at least.

"Ah, Todoroki, welcome!" Izuku greeted happily, not wanting to dwell on the fact that things already seemed off to a not-so-great start. "I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!" Was he acting too excited?

Todoroki made a small sound to acknowledge him before stepping inside. Izuku led him into the dining room before going to check on the food he had prepared. It had been in the oven a little longer than intended, but it should have been fine.

As the anxious host opened the door to his kitchen, however, he quickly realized it was in fact _not_ fine; smoke was billowing from the oven door. Letting out a loud gasp, he ran over the appliance, hoping by some miracle the food was okay.

No such luck. As he opened the door, he was greeted by a fireball in a pan.

"Oh ye gods!" Izuku cried as he shut the door, leaping back. "…My roast is ruined!" He probably should have been a bit more concerned about the flames, but right now the only thing on the young boy's mind was impressing his new friend.

What did he do? Should he just tell Todoroki he accidentally burnt their meal? He'd understand, right?

…Or maybe he'd think Izuku was an idiot who couldn't do anything right. Then he'd leave, and they'd never speak again. It was an irrational thought, but then again Izuku could sometimes be an irrational person.

As he frantically tried to think of what to do, something in the window caught his eye. Across the street was a Mighty Burger, a common All Might-themed burger chain around these parts.

As he stared at it, an idea began to form in Izuku's head. He had never actually told Todoroki what they were having to eat…

"What if… I purchased fast food and disguised it as my own cooking?" He thought aloud. It was a longshot, but Todoroki didn't seem the type to eat at those sorts of places. He might not recognize it.

If he had been calmer, he might have realized this was a ridiculous idea and he should just explain the situation to his friend. But right now…

The junior hero chuckled.

"Delightfully devilish, Izuku…" He mumbled as he opened the window. However, just as he was lifting his leg over the windowsill, the kitchen door opened. It seemed Todoroki had heard the commotion and decided to investigate.

The two stared at each other for a moment. Izuku was like a deer in headlights.

"Midoriya?" Todoroki looked both confused and annoyed at his friend's behavior.

"T-Todoroki! I-I was just, eh…" Izuku needed to think of _something_. "…Stretching my calves on the windowsill!" He could hardly believe he said such an obvious lie, but he went with it, pretending to stretch his leg muscles on the window. "Isometric exercise… C-Care to join me?" He was stuttering, not good.

"…Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Midoriya?" The son of Endeavor ignored his question, asking one of his own.

Crap. Izuku needed to come up with another cover story.

"Uh… O-Oh, that isn't smoke, it's…." What else could it possibly be? "S-Steam! Steam from the… Steamed clams we're having!" Once again trying to sell his lie, Izuku rubbed his stomach. "Mmm, steamed clams!"

Todoroki's eyes narrowed as he stared at his classmate. Izuku waited for him to call him out on his crap; it was obviously smoke! You could _smell_ it!

However, the heterochromatic boy either didn't notice or didn't want to say anything, as he simply left the room, shutting the door. Sighing with relief, Izuku wasted no time climbing out the window and rushing across the street.

* * *

Izuku took a deep breath as he prepared himself. So far his insane attempt to hide his cooking blunder was working. He had acquired some food from Mighty Burger and had arranged it on a platter to look like home cooking, and it seemed Todoroki hadn't left the dining room since he'd left. Of course, his guest was undoubtedly going to question why they were having burgers instead of clams, but Izuku had thought of a way to explain it. It would have made him seem even weirder than he already was, but he was prepared to deal with that.

Opening the kitchen door, he stepped out into the dining room.

"Todoroki, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers!" He announced in a cheery voice.

"…I thought we were having steamed clams?" Right on cue. Izuku continued without skipping a beat.

"Oh no, I said steamed _hams_. That's what I call hamburgers." It was stupid, yes, but it was the only thing he was able to think of to connect the two foods.

"…You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?" Todoroki looked about as confused as he should have been.

"Yes! It's a regional dialect." Todoroki didn't live around here, right?

"Uh-huh. What region?" It didn't sound like he was buying it…

"Uh… Shizuoka Prefecture?" It was where Izuku lived, so it was the only thing he could have said.

"Really? Well I'm from Hamamatsu, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'," Todoroki said with skepticism in his voice.

Shoot! He also lived in this region? He needed to narrow it down… Wait, it wasn't the same city!

"Oh, not in Hamamatsu, no. It's an Iwata expression." Izuku was pretty sure he had told more lies today than he had in his entire life… And for the dumbest reason.

"Ah, I see." Amazingly, Todoroki seemed to accept this "explanation", and dropped the conversation. The two began to eat their lunch.

However, within seconds a new problem emerged. The half-cold, half-hot boy took the bun off his burger and looked at it carefully. Izuku watched him, praying his friend wasn't about to say what he thought he was going to.

"You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Mighty Burger."

Gah! This whole plan hinged on Todoroki having _not_ eaten there. Was this all going to come crumbling down now? What would he say after finding out Izuku had gone through this much trouble just to hide that he was bad at cooking? Surely, he'd think the once-Quirkless boy was a huge weirdo and stop hanging out with him. And maybe he'd tell everyone else about this…

Oh god. He needed to keep this going. Starting with a nervous laugh to break the awkward silence.

"N-No, patented Midoriya Burgers! O-Old family recipe!" The Midoriyas didn't have any "family recipes" as far as he was concerned.

"…For steamed hams?" Hearing Todoroki say it made Izuku realize just how dumb the phrase really sounded.

"…Yes!" Still, he had to pretend he used it regularly.

"Yes, and you call them 'steamed hams' despite the fact that they are _obviously_ grilled." The stoic student showed his burger patty, which had obvious grill lines on it.

For a moment, Izuku's brain shut down.

"Eh…. Uh… Y-You know th… O-One thing I sh…" He couldn't think of a way out of this. He had been cornered, and the truth was bound to come out any moment.

Deciding to retreat and rethink his "strategy", the fidgety boy stood.

"E-Excuse me for one second," he said before quickly heading into the kitchen.

"Of course." Todoroki returned to his food.

Izuku didn't have time to think about what he was going to say next, though, because as he entered the kitchen he realized there was a much, _much_ bigger problem.

He hadn't turned the oven off.

In the time it had taken him to go across the street, get food, and come back, a small fire had broken out in the kitchen.

For a split second, he panicked. He needed to put this out _now_ , but if Todoroki saw this his social life at U.A. would be over.

As ridiculous as it seemed that he was prioritizing this, Izuku needed to get him out of the house first.

Stepping out of the kitchen, the host faked-yawned.

"Well, that was wonderful! Good time was had by all, I'm pooped!" He spoke quickly, trying to get Todoroki to leave ASAP. Fortunately, it seemed his guest had something going on, as he was looking at his phone when Izuku came out, and he was starting to get up.

"Yes, I should be-GOOD LORD, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE!?" He suddenly shouted, pointing behind Izuku. Turning around, the now-frightened boy realized he hadn't fully closed the kitchen door, and light from the blazing inferno was clearly visible through the opening.

Caught off guard, Izuku said the first thing that came to mind without even trying to think about it.

"Aurora borealis?"

…

What?

What did he just say?

"A…Aurora borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized _entirely_ within your kitchen!?" With each word, Izuku felt himself shrinking. Of all the excused he could have come up with, what in All Might's name had made him think of _that_?

But… He had come this far. Might as well keep trying to sell it.

"…Yes." He waited for Todoroki to call him out on his crap, or just storm in to the kitchen and look for himself.

However, his stern look softened. For a moment, he looked genuinely amazed.

"…M…May I see it?"

…

Okay, _what_?

Todoroki seemed a bit socially awkward himself, but… He actuallybelieved the _aurora borealis_ was in Izuku's kitchen? Was he really that trustworthy?

The freckled boy thought for a moment. He almost wished he could say yes, as it seemed his friend genuinely wanted to see the aurora lights. For a moment, Izuku wished they really were in there.

But alas…

"…No." He had to deny the request.

He led Todoroki outside, waving goodbye. However, just when it seemed things were in the clear…

"Izuku! The house is on fire!" Inko Midoriya called out from inside, obviously terrified. Izuku forgot his mom was home…

"N-No, mother!" He called. "Th-That's just the northern lights!" Of all the things he expected to say today…

Todoroki turned to his friend.

"Well, Midoriya, you are an odd fellow. But I must say, you steam a good ham," he complimented before walking off. He stopped to look back when Mrs. Midoriya starting crying for help, but a wave and a smile from Izuku was all it took to make him keep moving.

Once he was out of sight, Izuku sprinted back inside, heading straight for the fire extinguisher.

* * *

 _I regret NOTHING_.


End file.
